Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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