Plan B is the new Plan A
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
