false alarm. still invincible.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
