Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
