Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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