There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize