I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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