I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
