I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
