do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize