I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
