It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
