I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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