I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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