they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize