You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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