i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I checked into jail on foursquare
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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