Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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