He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
