Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
