i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
