I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
