Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
