in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
