The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
