WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
