also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
