I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
