do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
