I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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