how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
