Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
