Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
