I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
