Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
