better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
