Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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