I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
