my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize