i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
