It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize