Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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