There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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