I smell stomach acid.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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