he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
