Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
