i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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