Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
