How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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