im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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