The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
