I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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