so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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