No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
