I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize