I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
