ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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