I must be too annoying 4 u.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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