Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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