I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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