Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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