I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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