I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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