Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize