your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up under a house in Key West
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
