and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize