Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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