Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
