so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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