You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
