I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
