omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
