I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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