so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize