I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
