I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize