Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
